this is my blog pte ltd.

hiatus.

2009-03-29T14:18:00.002+08:00

okayy HELLO!

haha my last post was about new year's day. -.-

haha anyway, for the benefit of the people who (still) read my blog, i tink i've decided not to blog anymore! cos er.. life too boring. maybe one day when i'm super sian i'll come back here. yay but im nt deleting my blog cos i wld like to read my blog again one day when im free!

wooo. hope everyone stays happy :)

its 2009

2009-01-01T16:58:00.002+08:00

new year :)

i spent my 12 am watching fireworks in the company of the big bear, which was really nice :) and there were so so so so so so many people ard too.

and as i walked home (at abt 2 am and there was this bangla who tried to shake hands with me and tt freaked me out ALOT), i cldnt help but feel happy. happy because 2008 has ended on a good note after all, and happy because 2009 seems like the start of something new.

for all the rubbish that has happened in sucky sucky horrible 2008, 2009 would be a better year. and i cant wait for this better year to happen. i cant wait for things to get better. and i cant wait for myself to get better.

i havent let go of things (as i recently realised). but at least im recovering, at least im not sulking all day now. and i hope in this new year, with more school involvement, with more motivation (because my results told me im nt tt CMI).. perhaps i'll be happier. and perhaps its time to be happier :) and perhaps its time to admit that there are just some things and people more important in life than pursuing my own dreams :) because the world doesnt revolve ard myself :) we shall see :)

cheers, to a new year :)

inside a camera

2008-12-21T20:53:00.002+08:00

went for a gathering ytd and i dropped my camera into a glass of water!!!! okay tts so stupid but yea the camera died after that.

so i decided to take apart the camera after i got home and i managed to revive my camera at about 2+am :D aspiring engineer HAHA

but i wldnt have been upset if it really died i think.. cos its such an old camera and i was using it cos my camera's on holiday with my sis in japan :)

the black and retangular thing on top is the lcd :D

the lenses felt flimsily attached :/

hongkong, 081208-121208

2008-12-21T20:39:00.000+08:00

okay its been a long long long long time since ive blogged.

im back from hongkong! okay ive been back for like 1wk plus already. it was a good experience! and i really wna go overseas more often with friends or even on my own :) yixi was a gd travel mate :)

sadly, it was winter season in hk and i din manage to do alot of shopping. but then again, i got to wear my trench coat :D

i missssssss this ma la mian in mongkok so much though. i really wna eat it again >.<

so here's roughly what we did:

day1: yaumatei / get lost in mongkok day :D
just look at the streets of hk.. (its reli like in the tvb serials! :D) and there are so many (HUGE) jewelry shops, its impossible to actually avoid them -.- visited nu ren jie where i bargained feebly.. tried the shiok noodles.. we got lost though ahhaha.

day2: the tourist scam day....
zzz we went for this free city tour and got brought to scammish place.. the onli good part was repulse bay and lantau island cable car! :) pretty place really.

day3: disneyland!
okay disneyland is worth the HK$295 ticket. its a romantic place really :) the fireworks were so pretty. and though im no disney fanatic (no childhood! hahaha :P), i wna go visit other disneylands if i have the chance :)

day4: central!
a vastly different place from kowloon, with posh toilets in posh shopping malls. went to lan kwai fong too and its really very lively. the view from the peak is ohmygod de pretty (and romamntic!) and i wished we had more time there!

day5: the mongkok + granville rd + last min shopping day
where i think i bought more things than the previous days combined haha. and i bought a tvb soft toy. hahaha.

i tink hk is a nice place to go to, though not in winter cos there was nth for us to buy. maybe autumn will be gd. its a gd place to go with family, friends or bf :) its a really romantic place for me! esp at night. the cityview is pretty. and i'll definitely visit hk again :)

regrets: din get to see tvb filming........ and fung came to singapore while i was in hk wth......... no clothes to buy..

but otherwise, nice trip :) photos on facebook :)

discover hongkong

2008-12-07T20:39:00.001+08:00

im flying to hongkong in 12 hours' time!! :D:D

woohoo finally going to hongkong (: gna go crazy there im sure. buy lots of clothes, eat lots of stuff (hope nt to get fat) and get lots of things for my loved ones! :D

and of cos im reli reli hoping i get to see some stars there :D hohohoho.

otherwise, im contemplating whether to bring my penknife there.. as self defence :/ after all its onli me and yixi. two girls!! ohmy. haha. actually im nt reli worried. :D

so cya all soon! i'll be back on friday! :D

holiday lo!

2008-11-30T23:23:00.002+08:00

okay i havent blogged in ages! hellooo.

exams have ended and tho i died horribly, thats for me to worry abt when the results are released, which is 23rd dec. meanwhile, i had a good few days after exams! :D:D thanks to good company :) and i went to escape ytd it was really fun! :) but that place is in need of a major revamp man.

i'll be off to hk in like.. 1 week's time! :D:D:D:D hohohoho. time to plan itinerary tho. hehe. super excited. gna go crazy shopping. and hopefully get to see fung there! ohmy~

and i just found out i have house of the dead on wii at home! which means i can play shooting games for as much as i want to. one day i'll become a pro already! :D and ive got mahjong/wii session tmr so yay!

actually i realised im like super free now now that exams and school are over for the semester. its reli shuang and nice. hoho. hope the holidays will pass fruitfully for me, and the people around me :)

<3

2008-11-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

(:

but ): for guards. wth!!!

flying!

2008-11-17T20:32:00.002+08:00

BACK FROM TAIWAN!!! :D:D:D

3 weeks are finally over.. it wasnt that bad after all :) heh. and i realised i had many realisations while i was alone these 3 wks.. actually i wasnt tt alone but in a way i was alone. but yea many things happened and they weren't all that bad! :)

i'm like 90% confirmed going to hongkong in december!! :D

fung is 30% confirmed coming to singapore on the 27th!!! :D

AND I (finally) GOT MY PAIR OF TIGERS!! :D specially flown in from taiwan... just the design i wanted (:(:

shit exams coming ):

opportunities

2008-11-15T22:47:00.002+08:00

hmm just watched the tvb awards presentations... results were pretty much what i expected. fung din get best actor and i feel pretty sad ): actually, he wasnt gna get it at all i tink.. but imagine how horrible it feels when everyone ard u is like rooting for tt someone else when u reli think u have a chance and u want it that much :(

and in my many years of being a fung fan, i tink this has been his best year as yet. but hes nt gna hav a chance to act in such a gd show anymore, since he wants to sing and since there are so many political things going on.. so when will be the next time he gets the award in recognition of his efforts?

actually besides the money and fame, i tink theres nothing good about being in the showbiz industry.. have to live like another person, live up to the 'image' and basically, u lose yourself and cannot be yourself anymore.

anyway, i guess it sort of mirrors my own experience the past year. as the year comes to a close.. i have to make a decision.. and then i have to accept whatever decision i made.

i guess i have to recognise that since i lost that opportunity, its nv gna come back no matter how hard i try and regardless of how good i tink i am (i really think im good ok haha). what to do? live with it lor... (unless half a million falls from the sky, and i become someone whos not hesitant)

perhaps, what is the most beneficial thing to me through this all is the experience of some sort of failure in an otherwise very satisfying life ive had.. better fall now than later and die. hmm... but the sad thing is that this has been my future and my dream. heh. dreams mean alot to everyone i guess.

so.. i nid to find something else i really want in my life.. actually, i tink i noe what it is, just that i dont want to accept it as it is right now. im onli 19. sigh. pls fast forward me 10 years or rewind me 1 year.

shit i feel damn emo now ):

2008-11-15T16:19:00.001+08:00

brake

2008-11-13T20:10:00.002+08:00

i went driving today and my instructor fell asleep and it was scary! haha. cos no one to help me see mirrors >.< but fun cos nt stressful. but i tink i pissed my instructor off cos i had to do and e-brake (without the skidding sound) at the traffic junction and he awoke from his slumber with a shock and aft tt he was v awake and rather fierce. hahaha.

today's the last day of school! :D

exams are coming :( are exams that impt?? nus even has a website for us to check everything and stuff. and my mailbox has been flooding with exam-related stuff.. like.. so serious like tt.. but im nt stressed tho i dno anything and i havent started >.<

okay i tink tts bad.

so i better go do some revision.. make myself feel better!

taiwan, thou art far yet near

2008-11-11T23:48:00.006+08:00

hello! just a random update of the events the past few busy days:

1. went for my usp interview today! it was actually pretty fun haha. and the angmoh prof, who was one of the interviewers, was reli good looking. hahahaha. he had blue eyes :O and i just learnt from a book that people with blue eyes are actually rare! in fact most angmohs will still have brown eyes. hmmmmm. okay anw, im kinda like considering the forensic science minor thing too.. so i might nt take up usp. that is if they take me haha. but i was just crapping during the interview :P

2. i am still procrastinating when im supposed to be studying!!!!! -.-

3. most likely going hk in dec with yixi! finally, hongkong!! :D

4. went to send xunyu off, who was extremely late for his flight and who was quite emo. haha. i tink i'll cry like dno what if i were to go overseas... given the past few experiences of sending my friends off..

5. school's ending! and i've got friday off woooo!

6. i went out with uni friends for like the first time haha. and it was pretty fun actually!

7. i found a book i really wna have :D haha. but i dno if i can find it in bookstores here. chanced upon it in the library and its so fascinating! :D

last, but definitely NOT the least:

A CALL FROM TAIWANNNNN

:D:D:D:D:D lalalaaaaaa. and it's only FIVE5FIVE5FIVE5 days more to SUNDAY WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! and for the first time in like 2 weeks, taiwan feels so near :)

rewind

2008-11-06T21:23:00.002+08:00

2am last night i was still wide awake >.< so i went to be emo - read letters from last yr (which made me cry and smile and laugh altogether), and read the farewell notes from the 33rd (: which is really, the best farewell gift we gave each other (: 1.5 yrs alr! wow.

its like, 1 yr since graduation and it seems like ytd.. how fast. and i miss hc alot. boooo.

and i have a usp interview on tuesday. ahhh! im nw nt sure whether i will want to be in usp (shld i be offered, that is) cos theres a forensic science minor which is open for application.. and which im super interested in.

hmm.

ohwell. argh, im supposed to be mugging.

and im trying to abstain from facebook till he comes back at least!! facebook is so so evil. booo.

a rainy day

2008-11-04T15:26:00.003+08:00

it's day10 :( :) ? and i'm super bored in skl now waiting for lecture to start.. thus, i'm blogging.. gna watch high school musical (haha i'm gna feel so overaged) later w yixi n zhang. a stupid woman pangsehed us tsk. its a rainy day.. how depressing :(

(1 am)

just got home! hsm3 was actually nicer than i thought, and rather meaningful in a way.. qt relevant to us j3s actually. cos we just left jc (where im qt sure many ppl had gd memories of), then some of our friends are going overseas and some of them have to go thru the painful process of being separated from their other half. its qt nice. and the stage setting and all was qt nice too! only that zac efron wasnt as gd looking :/ haha.

and it was nice hanging out with the girls (: tho i was qt emo today (thanks to the movie (which made me qt weepy hahaha) and just being outside.. being outside makes me emo booooo).

ohwells. but it was a nice day after all :) and with a gathering with snr ppl coming up.. i guess now's the time to catch up with ppl i too easily neglect when he is ard :)

stupid test!

2008-10-31T22:22:00.003+08:00

I PASSED MY EG1108 TEST!!!! OMG!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D
i expected to get like 5/40 k. i got 26/40. omg. maybe i have hidden talent in this module which i dont understand half of.

YAY its my most satisfactory midterm result so far!!!!

YAYYYYY

oh and today my driving instructor said my driving is good so double yay!!! i enjoy driving so much hahaha.

and had engin sub comm bbq....

was trying to convince rice thing WILL be ok...

was emo ): oh mr bear where art thou :( come home soon!!!!!!

nugeno

2008-10-31T00:15:00.002+08:00

if anyone has gone to dhpby ghaut mrt recently, you would have noticed this:

:D:D

hahahaha. okay i was just v excited tt his face is plastered on the 3 pillars. see, everyone can see him and noe who he is! :D and he looks gd on the posters. and im going back again one day to get a better picture. this one is too grainy -.- and if i garner enough courage, i'll take a picture with the pillar!

haha.

anw, tvb stars seem to be making their way to singapore tv. recently saw myolie wu and linda chung ads on tv (where's my fung's!! stupid nugen* no money to buy some air time) speaking their canto-chinese. hehh.

enought of that.

happy birthday rice! (: hope your birthday still turns out fine in the end! (:

and i cant believe i spent like 1h at pageone today. bookstore's one of my favourite places to hangout. esp pageone cos its big and no one can see you browsing thru all the books. hoho.

oh and i met joli toh at ssdc today! how unexpected heh. and driving is fun i havent lost my touch! and i got a gd instructor today who taught me qt alot of things. so yay!

parents

2008-10-28T10:54:00.002+08:00

planned to spend deepavali doing some mugging but ended up shopping with my parents! something ive not done in such a long long time.

went to levi's and bought a pair of jeans! :) with the $50 old jeans trade in thing. love the jeans! but will be keeping it till CNY hoho. dont nid to buy new clothes already.

went to OG too -.- and went ps after that. damn tired.

but i cldnt sleep last night!! which was so disturbing cos my heart was beating v fast (and i didnt drink coffee or what) and my breathing was weird so i had no choice but to on the aircon (trying to get used to sleeping without the aircon so as to save on electricity bills). which kinda made me suspect it was some kinda asthma attack (TOUCHWOOD) but ohwell tink i'll be able to sleep better tonight...

oh taiwan is so near yet so far :(

eat and eat

2008-10-25T00:09:00.001+08:00

1 random afternoon
2 pigs
3 chawanmushis
4 mochis
5 o'clock
....
30 plates.

sakae sushi!! :D:D

im still so full though i concluded my dinner at abt 6.30pm >.<

pigs :P

but... emo sad goodbye :( tmr.. leaving on a jet plane....

ehy

2008-10-23T21:06:00.002+08:00

its been a week since i blogged!

actually nth much has been happening in my life. only that taiwan day is coming :'( its like 3 weeks... sigh. and the worst thing is the week after 3 weeks is my exams week. SIGH. :(

also, i got into engin camp comm for nxt yr! hahah. hopefully its sth i can find some fulfilment in... some self worth (oh! i havent heard from usp HAHA).. fill up my time in school.. try to have fun.. yup. sigh zzz.

im feeling so slack! but heres a few things i wna do while hongyi is away for 3 wks:
- study
- emo
- learn some guitar theory
- cook!
- do some sewing? o.O
- go out with friends
- erm....

thats about all (:

oh and i have an intersting story today where a stranger came to talk to me on the train and it turns out we're schoolmates but i've never seen HIM before omg so traumatic. :(

hot date!

2008-10-16T23:16:00.002+08:00

had a hot date with rice today! keeping each other company while the other halves are away. haha. and it was a pretty good night out! :) tho we havent talked to each other for damn long (:

a few things i got to know about:
- all guys are so.. not bright
- sushi tei is actually qt gd
- we all go thru this sucky stage :( but i guess, luckily we have each other!
- waiting (might be) a form of happiness (?)
- friday is coming!!! :D:D
- my english sucks now (nid to speak more english!!!!)

havent had such fun in a while (:

great leap forward

2008-10-14T23:05:00.002+08:00

i passed my FTT!! :D apparently my dad was qt surprised that i passed. tsk!! i got mug ok. if onli i got so much motivation to mug for school. haha.

anw, ive decided to just go for the interview for usp! dno if i'll get in.. but i guess in the meantime i do wna find out more :) so congrats to me i finally made a decision.

then ive also decided to join the orientation committee for nxt yr! so happening right. its like council all over again! hope i can find some nice memories there.. make some new friends.. and spice up my really boring life now.

and i dont have driving lessons till 30oct alr! so sad. hope i dont lose my touch.

meanwhile. im brainstorming!

changing

2008-10-12T21:09:00.002+08:00

hmm im like now 60% usp and 40% not for usp. i forgot to ask my sis for her opinions when she came back today. cos i was in a bad mood trying to do a stupid tutorial which i bet i'll get all the qns wrong for anyway, and cos i was slp deprived, and also cos i knocked my knee against my drawer which was like so painful :(

and actually, i just wasnt in the greatest mood ever today. more things happened and im beginning to doubt if what im trying to do is putting me in more misery..? will i end up being taken for granted??? will it all work out in the end? will this little sacrifice be worth it? (tho to me this sacrifice isnt very little >.<) sigh. its been such a sad, sad weekend. sad in a different kind of way from the i-didnt-get-into-medicine sad. i guess this time, it was the 'little girl' side of me (i know this side of me seems so foreign and doubtful to most of my friends, but it does exist ok!) who felt sad, and needs to be assured...

ahwell. why so depressing everytime. argh........

anw, to make my blog more interesting... here are some pictures. been dabbling with the dSLR again, cos i havent had a chance to bring it out.

the latest additions to my belongings :)

sorry but i cant help but brag abt my wonderful fung cd. haha. many many things to satisfy fans for the album itself.. while the songs were of cos gd (the cd was in my player so i din capture it here). havent watched the dvd tho.

my beautiful $38 new headphones which i bought aft i lost mine and aft i cldnt stand the original ipod ones anymore. but for $38, the quality was only so-so :(

my beautiful girly birks! :D

comtemplate

2008-10-09T20:38:00.004+08:00

ah should i go for usp? i have a week to decide... dunno whether to make my timetable more packed, or to continue leading the unmotivatd school life i am leading now. it isnt too bad. not many students have time to take driving lessons twice a wk during wkdays. haha. anw, usp seems kinda too intellectual for me. and im nt good at writing. ah well. but i figured it'll be a way to make time pass more quickly, and perhaps more purposefully... and i suppose it could value add my resume since my resume now is like.... nothing. but its so selfish if i just join for the sake of that. and as i said im so unmotivated now.. dont really feel like getting stressed abt school work.. but then again i dont feel like im studying now so it might be a good way to get me into schooling mood again. argh but if i take usp it means i prob cant take a second major/minor..

oh i dont know.. i nid to find out more. sigh. school is so sian.

ohohoh. but anw, on a bright side, i finally finally bought my birkis! (: high class slippers to wear to school! yay! dun nid to wear stinky shoes anymore! :D and i got it at HALF PRICE! woohoo!

oh and contrary to my long-held principle of not getting girly birkis... i ended up getting a flowery one still :P

i met up with my friends

2008-10-05T01:40:00.002+08:00

its been a nice day!

when saying sorry is really, really impt.

anw, had a random bbq at daphy's hse today! with whats left of snr + daphy. it was good actually to see these friends again. reminds me of the happy days in jc :) and actually i thought i'll feel weird going there cos ive been rather messed up and quiet and all, and they were all guys so...

but it turned out fun and nice :) so nice to catch up with these people, laugh at them, laugh with them, listen to army stories, tell uni stories, play with happy the retriever, bbq nice chicken wings, drink lotsa alcohol.. :)) yay i love being ard these people :)

so i dont know why but i actually feel like uploading photos immediately now :) (a sharp contrast fr the usually lazy-to-upload-photos me) so go check out facebook!

and 2 interesting things cx and kc told me:

1. "photographers are people who take themselves out of the picture" -cx
cos i told him i was taking up photography, and he just told me this which was sth i nv thought abt. and its actually so true! think it says sth abt my character?? (so emo! anti social!) ah but i like photography cos i can capture memories of my friends and all :) and i was once part of the picture! just that im nt inside heh. but well at least when i look at the picture i rmb what happened :)

2. "i love him but i dont like him all the time" -olivia (kc's gf)
sth to think abt :)

oh and i tried to get drunk to try hw it feels like.. and probably to try to drown my sorrows but it didnt work. i drank a bit of bailey's and vodka-redbull and rum and whiskey and tequila and all but it din work >.< which is a gd thing i guess. haha. actually i drank qt abit of the vodka and bailey's. i like bailey's!

oh and genesis is the happiest uni person i've seen ard! haha gd for her :)

tireddddd.

loop

2008-10-01T13:04:00.002+08:00

ytd was an interesting day which set me thinking abt my whole uni thing all over again.

well firstly, i noe i did damn badly for my mid term tests (which were finally over ytd). which is expected but saddening nonetheless. not that i didnt try. maybe just not hard enough.

i sense that im so different from the me back in all my schooling years before this. i've lost my goal in life. and so i really have no motivation to do anything related to studying now. i think im becoming someone who's really too lax about school stuff. its like how im taking only 4 modules now and im nt concerned at all. and how i cant study at all though i want to, how im doing so badly for the tests AND am nt that concerned abt it.

and its just like how, i dread going to school, i cant be bothered to turn up on time for lectures, i look forward to going home everyday, i look forward to weekends and holidays, i dont have the mood to do tutorials......

sigh i've changed. school is no longer my priority. so whats my priority now???

wow i do sound like i really hate school. haha.

oh and had a nice chat with the few friends i have in uni ytd over dinner. which made me so annoyed about the uni admission thing again. well, specifically medicine. firstly, it makes all the difference if you have networking and links with THE PEOPLE inside (as with friend A who in the end decided nt to go for medicine cos he thot he did too badly :/), and 2nd-ly, the people there really, really dont care if you have 1 million times more interest and passion than the ppl they take in (cos friend B tried applying for a 2nd time in the 2nd year and din even get an interview).

haha, who knows i'll meet my gui4 ren2 someday before next may.

sigh.

to ponder

2008-09-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

it is said everyone is unique in their own ways (i believe in this!).. so if everyone is unique, doesnt that make everyone ordinary actually?

hmm.

haha what a random thought.

music

2008-09-23T14:01:00.002+08:00

ohmy~ fung's album has a gaiban version >.< i wna buy both versions! (what a waste of money) but yes, im gna buy both cos the first version is limited edition and i cant find it anywhere online now! :'(

meanwhile, driving lesson3!!! :D ah today was worse my engine kept dying. haha. and my instructor kept talking to me while i was driving -.- and kept asking me to go faster. ppl dun dare la aiyoh. on public rd somemore :S but it was fun! hoho. and im now convinced driving a manual car is more complicated. haha.

oh and i have no mood to mug at all :( sigh.

nt such a hazard aft all :P

2008-09-19T15:25:00.004+08:00

DRIVING IS FUN.

hoho ive had 2 lessons so far, and tho ive only been driving ard in the circuit, its been good! and its pretty shuang when i have the time to go driving in the morning while others are still at work/school :P pfffft.

im qt proud of my driving actually! :D i only stalled when my instructor tried to steer my steering wheel (it makes me confused). and though engaging 2nd gear is scary (only at 2nd gear so far haha) cos the car goes alot faster, but its fun after some time! but my right turning sucks :(

nxt lesson is nxt wk! i cant wait :D

edit
omg, fung's album is out of stock on yesasia.com (where most ppl order online..) can u believe it! tho its a gd thing but it ran out of stock just when i decided to order online -.- oh! and one of his songs has made its way to the airwaves in singapore! u can hear it on my imeem player on this page, its called ming tian yi hou track 2 i reli like the song!

edit
(i simply dont feel like doing my hw)

anw, finally uploaded some photos from my memory card, learning dSLR photography now :)

my first foray into dSLR photography! :D

my beloved :))

er, my soft toy sheep which is the same age as me :D

ohyeah, into collecting these candy tincans now too :D

i survived half of my semester!

2008-09-16T21:35:00.001+08:00

YAY

semester break semester break semester break semester break semester break semester break semester break semester

break!

i realised im on holiday starting now already :D cos i pon tmr, my lecture on thu is cancelled, and friday is engin day so theres no lect/tut aft 12 so my lect and tut are cancelled!!!

theres a test on next SATURDAY (ugh) tho. have to mug alr!

but yay!

^o^

2008-09-14T23:26:00.001+08:00

HIS NEW ALBUM :)

im gna order online! :D

and liverpool beat man utd 2-1 :P

sigh.

2008-09-14T00:00:00.003+08:00

i am dying! :(

cos i played frisbee and bball today and i have soccer tmr and im so dead tired.

and i have learnt my lesson to nt be so enthu zzz. wanted to join for fun but its so competitive la. argh. and i dun feel like going tmr :((( cos its a sunday and sunday is for resting and doing my tutorials :(

2008-09-07T00:51:00.003+08:00

i just came back fr maf, and am blogging fr my phone for the first time! wi-fi rocks.

anw, had qt some after thoughts abt maf dis yr. er firstly, i tink traditional light bulbs r nicer than rope lights. okay that's random.

on to more serious stuff. i think the whole world knows that i've been emo abt skl the past few mths. my blog is too emo la sigh. but no choice, no where to rant.

anw, just wanted to say that many ppl touched my life today in their own ways. as i met up w ppl i hvnt seen for qt some time, they all asked abt how skl was for me, n basically told me to cheer up. n i managed to talk qt abit w ppl i din reli talk to, like qinpei n shuo nan. i just got a v nice feeling at maf today, which did cheer me up because i was in a lousy mood all day.

i tink maf is a v special event. its the event which makes me feel so proud to b fr hc, to b fr council. it makes me feel so at hm tho i've graduated. it makes me so happy to c all my frens who i spent the 2jc yrs with. i even sort of made some new frens today. its in reli sharp contrast to nus at least.. where i dun feel at hm at all. where it's so unfriendly. where i dread gg to school.

im digressing. basically, i don't reli know how to put my thots into words now. i just felt happy i still hav these friends ard me who still care for a loser like me n who i feel at ease with enough to talk abt the suckiness of uni. dun tink i'll ever find such frens again. i just want to say a big thank you to you ppl out there.. n i hope i hav touched your life before, or am able to touch ur life in the future too.

out of luck

2008-09-04T20:58:00.002+08:00

when things have to turn out bad for me, they really go all the way man.

uni has been one screwed up thing for me and today sth happened which further reiterated this point.

the story goes that i applied for the waitlist for hostel.. seeing that i live in yishun and it takes a bloddy 1h and 15min to get to school everyday, living on campus sounds good.

so i was supposed to know whether i will get a rm from the 27th onwards thru email.

till now, i still havent got a reply (hey, even if they wna reject me, at least tell me right?)

so i went to OSA today.. and whatthehell the most unlucky thing has to happen to me. turns out i actually got a room at pgp but guess what! the email din get thru cos my .com became ,com (comma com).

i wanted to bang my head against the wall.

was freaking freaking sad, with no one to turn to. argh.

but im better now. cos i guess all the bad things just keep happening that it isnt such a bad thing anymore.

the very friendly person at osa (the ppl there were reli friendly!) said i shld wait till nxt wk.. mayb someone will (maybe have some screwed up thing like me) and i can have her rm instead.

so i shall see.

but i am so skeptical abt the subject of luck now. haha. care to spare some luck, anyone?

bad patch.

$$$

2008-08-31T19:06:00.002+08:00

have to survive on bread and water already.. bought alot of things (i.e. spent alot over the wkend):

1 printer (laser printer!! i totally love it. nothing more satisfying than seeing atoms appear as atoms instead of pixels when printed) - $169
1 250gb HDD - $129
1 4gb thumbdrive - $19.90
1 e66 phone (this phone is hot. i love it!) - $298

:S

2008-08-24T00:52:00.001+08:00

and sth interesting,

The Stages of Grief
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

searching for happiness

2008-08-24T00:26:00.003+08:00

i realised i have been very depressed the past 3 months, such that i tink this general state of mood has been messing with my emotions. i havent really been happy for a long, long time.

happiness is sth very subjective. sometimes, we might get happiness somewhere, but lose our happiness elsewhere. win some, lose some - god is fair (though personally, i dont believe in god; i believe in myself) thus, i have decided to take this one year to search for happiness, to embark on a journey en route to a new chapter in my life next year.

i want to find out what happiness really means to me. it still remains a mystery to me if i will truly be happy starting a new life in australia, or continue with my life now, but with a different perspective. of cos, i still hope to pursue my dreams in singapore. but thats sth i will talk about and sth i can only do next year. do achieving dreams = happiness??

i hope that on my birthday next year (to commemorate how horribly my birthday this year was), i will truly be able to say again "i am happy".

my past few blog entries have been really depressing, so it might seem quite weird that im talking abt sth that has eluded me for a long time (jason, less emo aura, yes?). its actually because ive had a great, wonderful wkend. in fact, my weekend has been a happy happy one. tho there's still sunday to go, i dont reli count sunday a 'wkend day' cos i'll be busy doing my tutorials (unfortunately, tutorials start nxt wk).

so, this is why my wkend has been happy:

1. i finished reading the time traveller's wife! okay its nt reli sth very exciting or happy. but its cos ive been taking forever to read this. and the story was really good, and also gives me a perspective on things different ppl pursue in life.

2. liverpool just scored a (miraculous) 2-1 victory over middlesborough! :D made me rather excited i was shouting at the tv. haha. pool was playing poorly tho, but gerrard scored a last minute winning goal.. i really admire stevie g as a player and a captain, cos he plays with so much heart and he drives the team on, and he never gives up.

3. spent quality time with a special one, and felt the sweet happiness i havent felt for a long time cos ive been so screwed up and giving everyone ard me alot of crap :)

and saving the best for the last....

its beautiful. and means sth special for us.

and so i search for happiness, and a new start in my life.

scammers

2008-08-21T21:53:00.003+08:00

out of curiosity, i went to read one of the (scam) mails in my junkmail folder title "your atm card".

here's part of the contents:

This Card Center Will Send To You An ATM DEBIT Card Which You Will Use To Withdraw Your Money In Any ATM Machine In Any Part Of The World, So If You Like To Receive Your Fund In This Way, Please Let Us Know By Contacting Us Back And Also Send The Following Information As Listed Below.

1. Full Name
2. Phone And Fax Number
3. Address Were You Want Them To Send The ATM Card To
(P.O Box Not Acceptable)
4. Your Age And Current Occupation
5. Attach Copy Of Your Identification

We Have Been Mandated By The ECOWAS Parliament To Issue Out $1.4Million usd in your favour This fiscal year 2008. Also For Your Information, You Have To Stop Any Further Communication With Any Other Person (S) Or Office(S) To Avoid Any Hitches In Receiving Your Payment.

Note That Because Of Impostors, We Hereby Issued You Our Code Of Conduct, Which Is (ATM-202) So You Have To Indicate This Code When Contacting The Card Center By Using It As Your Subject. It will cost you only $250 for shipment of the card to your doorstep.

i just wonder....... who really falls for sth like this?!

hm.

fireworks tmr!!!! :D:D:D:D

warning: amateur driver

2008-08-18T21:29:00.004+08:00

i passed my BTT 2.5hrs ago! so yay! and i signed up for my practical alr. woo! signed up for manual, in case i go overseas (e.g. africa, still) i can drive a rover and travel ard. woo! but first, i need to sign up for my lessons.

anw, today's 5h break wasnt spent alone so my mood today wasnt that emo. haha. but it was still qt a long time to pass... zzz. and ive concluded that i dont think i will make close, lasting friends in uni. ah.

met up with jason yuani hongyi ytd. the foursome! :D basically we just pigged out and went to dempsey b&j which rocks :D and in commemoration of yuani's farewell (future earth scientist :D) we took alot of pictures and had a great time. oh but jason says i have an emo aura about me now :/ :( ohwell ohwell.

slowly, all my friends are gna leave on their jet planes.. especially for the people im closer to, it is a sad thing :( booo.

well, who knows, i might be next :)

2008-08-14T21:05:00.002+08:00

i ponned by 1h lecture ytd and for today and tmr, i only have a 2h lecture.. which is such a waste of transport fees im gna get the concession soon. once i get my card.

anw, i had an electrical engineering lecture with the lecturer being bangladeshi. and he was like speaking hindi 20% of the time and hinglish (hindi + english) the other 80%. as a result, it was so difficult to concentrate -.-

and my BTT is nxt monday ohgod i just took a mock test online and i dno so many things -.-

ahh.. school.

a new chapter

2008-08-11T09:38:00.002+08:00

i am now hiding in the study room anti-social-y.. doing some bidding for modules and then doing up my timetable and all that stuff. perhaps gna watch some dramas later. i have a 5h break aft all..

my first lecture was so boring the droning of the prc lecturer was just.. slp inducing..

its the first day of school and i say with regret that im nt studying sth i like alot. i regret that i didnt do better 3 mths ago. but perhaps.. its now time to pack my feelings.. and only unpack them nxt yr, when i give it a go again.. whether singapore or australia. who knows i might even go to uk to do sth else.

im sitting at a scenic spot now. feeling rather lonely. ahwell guess no one will understand how i feel. sigh.

(and why is the study room filled with prcs?!)

try

2008-08-10T13:01:00.001+08:00

back from orientation.. with so many things which happened this week.

firstly, orientation wasnt as bad as i thought, so yay (: and got to meet many ppl.. (tho havent seen many from bioengin) and the ppl are all nice, just tt im nt too used to the common vulgarities hurled ard :/

otherwise, yixi has convinced me nus is more happening than ntu..

jess has left singapore for the us of a and its reli sad :(((( but i hope she'll be happy there.. or at least nt too homesick :)

and otherwise, if i had the power, i would change the way nus admits ppl.. cos i tink its freaking unfair the way it is now. for med at least.

ahwell. school starts tmr. its rainy. thats a bad sign... sigh.

2008-07-30T21:20:00.002+08:00

nus is depressing. period.

oweek doesnt look fun actually.. argh. :(

2008-07-29T21:52:00.002+08:00

school is starting.. it feels really horrible and i really really dread it. nothing to look forward to.. and the feeling of loneliness really sucks like nth else :(

the ppl giving out the orientation wk forms ytd was like asking "do you have anyone to go oweek with?" and it just felt so sad to say a 'no'. guess its pretty unusual that ppl go for oweek alone then, by what she said.

im going for my registration tmr. it just feels as though once i get my student card tmr, thats it.. thats the rest of my life already.. and no, its not how i wanted my life to be.. perhaps i am stuborn, but all along, ive only envisioned my life to be that way and nothing else. and no, im still not ready to let go and accept sth else. i wont settle for 2nd choice so easily.. but perhaps i dont even have a choice now. we can talk about next year, but life is too full of uncertainty to even hope now. i dont even know what i'll be once i graduate and come out to work. my heart tells me to pursue my dreams whatever it takes... but my head tells me it might nt be the best choice.

if all things happen for a reason, i do want to know why so many things have happened. sadly, i'll only get to know the reason years later. if there even exists one.

afterthoughts which come too late

2008-07-27T23:29:00.003+08:00

ah havent blogged in a while. lets see.

i went back to stnicks to return papers.. and bumped into siyun and sylvia! which was pretty nice cos i just kinda like talking to siyun :) ironically, i din think we even talked that much back in sec school. hm. but it was a nice day, aft which i rushed to hc to get my cert and made it just in time!

then.. theres this nus engineering tea session tmr.. which i dun reli feel like going cos theres gna be a whole lot of ppl (i dont know) and im gna be qt lost and lonely. sigh. but guess i have to go cos there are impt stuff?? argh.

and the reality of school starting, and me settling for (a lonely) 2nd choice is sinking in.. not looking forward to it at all.

and as i look back on the mths that have passed in 2008, i dont know if i did things i would regret. like, did i not try hard enough for my interview?? i had alot of thots but din perform on the day it mattered. and shld i have tried harder for a scholarship? cos i just sorta believe i can achieve more. did i make the wrong choice by choosing sth practical over sth i like (i.e. engineering over science)? could i have spent my time better?

argh it just seems like a very very bad year. in total contrast to 2007. hopefully, the nxt few mths can compensate for this horrible year.

my bro has a recommendation for tuition p5. shld i go? dont really wna commit and its especially tiring cos im starting school soon. but it cld be sth meaningful.. and sth to take my mind away from the unhappiness in school?

argh. i dont know.

and i guess i SHOULD go tmr. sigh.

my fujitsu!

2008-07-21T22:29:00.002+08:00

hello! this is the first post from my new laptop! :D which is a fujitsu MADE IN JAPAN haha. i wasnt that excited abt buying one at first (cos laptop = school starts = sad) but now i like my laptop more and more! :D that i expect to spend the nxt few days installing stuff and exploring the functions.

not exactly used to the stretched screen, and the vista which is kinda sophisticated -.-

otherwise, i love my laptop! :D and i finally have a laptop to call my own! where i can do whatever i want with it and no one will touch it. HOHO.

no more dai lao shi!

2008-07-20T12:35:00.002+08:00

i've ended my teaching stint at stnicks! :D and it felt good to be able to rest without worrying abt the nxt day's lessons, or stay up mugging stuff like liu bang and xiang yu. hee :)

my sec 2s were so sweet they wrote me a card! :D and seriously the sec 1 and 2s were so different.. in the sense that when i was giving out lollipops, they insisted i give it out and were really polite and nice. instead, i got mobbed by my sec1 class and they were taking the lollipops out of my hands. which was so annoying. ugh! but nvm they are kids after all i guess.. (but my other sec1 class was v nice abt it also!!!) ugh!

anw, i noticed that somehow the sec1s AND 2s like PINK (lollipops, out of pink blue orange yellow and green). it was quite interesting cos i din reli expect that! so cute!

heeee. i'll still be going back one of the days after i finish marking their common test paper. which is qt difficult cos its compre and i dun reli noe whether to give marks for alot of qns -.-

on a heavier note, school is starting in 2 wks :'(

2008-07-17T21:22:00.002+08:00

it's my last day tomorrow!!! :D:D

but im troubling over what to teach for a 1hr lesson tmr, and am also mugging some chi lit about confucian teachings. just ytd i was mugging abt liu bang/xiang yu stories and its actually qt interesting, but so luo suo. haha. wikipedia in both eng and chi comes in handy ;)

im qt happy to leave! cos its tiring to teach and i wna slack. school is starting in 2 wks :'( NOooooo. argh. but im also qt sad cos as annoying as the students are, they end up being qt cute cos they are lower sec after all. aww.

and i did learn qt alot during these 3 wks! and it was nice to be back here again :) yay. mayb i wna teach some other subject. but time seems to pass to fast when im busy. and i dread the day school starts. sigh. sucks. :(

sngs chi dept

2008-07-11T11:13:00.002+08:00

im blogging from the staff room!! cos its recess and im super bored. and today's lessons are rather slack. and its friday :D:D oh but i just rmb i nid to mug sth im teaching for chinese lit later -.- 15min left can la.

erm. actually theres been nth interesting :/ but so fast nxt wk's my last wk le. all the teaching's draining my energy. and 3 wks wasnt enough to really form some bond with my students. so i dont tink i'll be sad to leave! in fact qt happy then i can slp till 10am everyday again till school starts :'(

i go buy coffee milk le. byee!

oh, teaching..

2008-07-09T20:20:00.003+08:00

my student tagged on my board! hahaha.

anyway, hello! im nearing the end of my 2nd wk teaching. i only started teaching 1J this wk and am so impressed by their quietness. it is so.... soothing and makes my life alot easier. they are actually interested to LEARN. omg. unlike ytd, where i had to shout till my voice was almost gone. and im drinking like 2litres of water a day in school :O

and i found out im teaching my sec1 classmate's sister, and another sec1 classmate's cousin! :O

erm im preparing my slides for tmr's lesson! so mug! :O

anw i think i need to speak slower, cos i ran out of stuff to talk abt today during chinese lit. i was teaching qin shi huang! and surprise surprise, i can rmb stuff abt him! (mayb the fact tt i watched a serial abt him helped....) but fri im teaching sec2s something abt 礼 its some 儒家 thingy im gna die for that :D

and i had a funny request from my ex-teacher to judge some indian dance thing. HAHA. its funny cos im just a relief teacher, and.. indian dance?!?!?! it was so out of the blue. haha. (its racial harmony wk) but sadly i cant help her cos i'll be gone alr :P

and the bad thing abt working agn is tt i spend money again.. bot 3 tops in 2 days. :O i cldnt help but buy the tshirts fr esprit cos they were cheap and cute, tho ive promised myself nt to buy anymore tshirts. but nvm, school starting.. and i bot a blouse fr the pasar malam near my hse for only 10bucks. which makes me feel like the 26bucks one i got at far east is so scam.......

okay enough talking. nid to work!!!!!

oosh!

T.T deaded.

2008-07-04T22:31:00.003+08:00

teaching.is.so.tiring.

so everyone my age and above, thank your teachers for who you are today.

its only been four days and i feel so dead! it was friday, dress down day, weekend-is-finally-coming-and-monday's-a-holiday day.. but i felt super sian ):

and i have resolved to study the stuff im teaching properly on monday... if nt they are gna die. and i feel so stressed so im also gna die. have to mug some qin shi huang too to teach the pesky sec 1s chinese lit. (!!!) ahhhhhhhhh~ serves me right for not paying attention last time.. mayb i can show them xun qin ji haha..

anyway. the students today are so different from when i was a student back then. its only been 6 yrs has it been that long?! (okay maybe.. i got my o and a levels along the way alr haha) especially the sec1s. everyone i talk to rmbs that we were so guai when we were in sec 1... the sec 1s now are like....... a bunch of noisy kids who dont hav interest in chinese at all.... ohmy..... which annoys me so i shout at them and at least it helps. for max 20min. luckily they are not like rude or what. argh. horrible. at least the sec2s are so guai now cos they have some best behaved class competition going on..

anw, i think whats most satisfying abt being a teacher is having a class of 30odd ppl listen to what u have to teach them :) today was the first time my sec2s listened to me so quietly so they cheered me up qt abit on this sian day :D

and this time i go back to stnicks as a teacher.. i still see abt half the teachers of my time still there :) which is a nice thing.. many more young teachers.. qt a no. of young teachers in chinese dept too. i wonder why they wna teach chinese? cos given a choice i'll teach like. math or science. chinese is difficult to teach..

oh i sat in for chi dept meeting today! i was qt fei but i qt enjoyed it haha. i sat beside pan lao shi and she was so so cute :D she kept asking me to eat the pastries and had to drag me there hahah! now i know whats so lovable abt her, that so many of my friends, and seniors who i dunno, who were taught by her in sec1 still come back and visit her till today.. and she must really love teaching to hav stayed for so long. wow :)

anw i tink less families are speaking chinese now.. some students really have so much difficulty putting a sentence together. ohno. it means that. one day chinese would hav to b taught in english. thats so sad.. i wldnt say i like chinese but i dun think such a language shld be lost like that. proud to be chinese :)

meanwhile. my fung is gna sing the olympics song for hk :D:D:D and hes gna hav a new album :D:D:D:D:D ohmy~ can feed my appetite le...

okay im really tired. weekend's for recharging!

many thanks

2008-06-30T16:52:00.001+08:00

hellooo.. im officially a relief teacher tmr :) it feels qt scary tho cos i have lots of things to do alr. and i found out i also need to teach chinese lit. omg! hahaa. time to read their notes so i know what to preach and how to read those difficult words. haha.

mm. ohyea! thanks to the many people who have been with me so far :) im trying to move on. i have to and tho im nt exactly back to the happy me, i'll survive i hope :) din know ppl read my blog heh heh. so thank you annabel and guotong, who tagged on my board! thank you yixi, who replied my email in such a funny way, thank you rice for we havent talked in ages, thank u megawati who talked to me loads abt what i can do, jolly who let me teach, thank you jessica who i'll pester in nus!, and so many many many many more. especially my family who see me cry so often during the :( period and try to cheer me up, and support me whatever i do, and the bun who listens to me cry and whine cos i hav no one else to cry and whine to :)

oh my dad told me sth which kinda hit the nail on the head and mayb woke me up.. he asked why i kept crying when i've been a strong and independent girl all along.. im strong enough to make this tough decision on uni, and im independent enough to survive alone overseas.

ah, but strong ppl are nt that strong inside. i bet i'll be super homesick if i go overseas.

but i guess thats worth it :)

but i cant do anything abt it now :(

and teaching is so stressful :( i just mugged chinese (i.e. read their worksheets, dictionaried the words i dno how to explain, etc) for abt 3 hrs -.-

wii gives me muscle ache! :) :( mario gokart is fun hahaha.

dark skies

2008-06-29T15:59:00.003+08:00

its been a period of severe :( i realised that the people ard me are going into uni upbeat.. or at least nt unhappy. i have absolutely nth to look forward to in uni.. doing sth i dont like, no friends, no hostel (i live in yishun argh!), no orientation camp to go to even.. the camp organizers dont seem to care about people who will struggle in uni (i.e. me, and thus nid the camp badly) cos they dont have friends there or sth like that. and my sis said it'll b a regret if i miss out on the camp cos its really fun and a part of uni life. :(

and its been a period of internal struggle.. whether to pursue my dream in aus.. and empty my parents' savings. well for now this is more or less settled.. idp person (i did not get his namecard) says i shld wait for another yr to apply cos most of the application dates are over.. i'll hav more and better choices nxt yr.. so i'll hav to stick it out in nus first.. take some time think properly.. but knowing myself, i know it's goodbye to my dreams because unless nus really sucks that much that im miserable the whole yr, i wont go aus alr i guess..

maybe all these are happening to toughen me up :( i declare its the first setback of my lfie.. hai. who knows who knows. maybe its just nt fated to be. master wugui fr kungfu panda said "there is no accident"..

ohwells. anw. jason mraz's new album seems to be the nicest out of the 3 so far.. not so indie but not to the extent of mainstream.. nice :)

tong xue men... ni men hao.

2008-06-26T13:41:00.002+08:00

i havent blogged in ages!

cos nth has been happening in my life. boring. my routine is a wake up-newspapers-drama serial-read-eat boring kinda boring.

but starting nxt monday there might be sth exciting (or freaky!)!

im gna teach sec2/3 CHINESE at stnicks! woooo! HAHA. i had a dream one day abt being stuck in a steaming sauna classroom and was dying and i woke up feeling freaked out. in fact, i am feeling qt freaked out! there are many reasons for this:
1. my chinese is lousy
2. i hope my students are nice (because stereotypically, no one pays attn during chinese lesson, whats more when its conducted by a relief teacher who's only max 5 yrs older than them) and i never liked chinese in sec sch. in fact i thought and still think o level chinese is nth more than meaningless rote learning.
3. seeing my ex-teachers will be WEIRD
4. how do i teach chinese?!?!?!?!?! i need practise speaking chinese!
5. i dont know that they learn now..
6. i have to get to know colleagues. again :(

but of cos there is the one bright spark of being able to indulge in my favourite ORANGE BOWL NOODLES EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

in fact that might be the only bright spark.

okay there are other stuff like good pay.

oh! and the fact that im finally doing sth meaningful this holidays :)

nice week :D

2008-06-21T17:09:00.007+08:00

hmm these few days (actually, week) have been good, happy, special, nice :))
(perhaps except for ytd.. sigh)

anyway, the pictures below show what i've been up to (besides going exotic places like ~~haw~~ hot par villa and underwater (fun) world, watching funny movies like kungfu panda (master wugui... its reli qt a gd movie!) and having failed outings with council ppl :D)

i realised i love cooking :D
western: miso, boiled veggies, fried potatoes, egg, bacon wrapped mushrooms..
chinese: xiao bai cai, stir fried brocoli with prawns, the potato was an anyhow cook thing.

but eew i cannot stand the smell of garlic on my fingers.

which reminds me - i forgot to eat my almond jelly!!!

change

2008-06-13T16:12:00.004+08:00

i realised im someone who doesnt change easily while cleaning my room the other day (i find i have things ive kept for ages.. and i just cnt bring myself to throw things away tho they might be really useless)

perhaps it isnt called change. i guess im just someone whos qt clingy to the past and to memories.

lets just say, i dont let go easily. or perhaps regarding my uni things.. im refusing to let myself let go. ohgosh thats damn dumb.

argh. head or heart???????

2008-06-10T11:41:00.000+08:00

this is seriously funny.

Enter Gate Opposite (EGO)

2008-06-08T01:06:00.002+08:00

so i said,

"you shldnt doubt yourself just because the people who dont know you that well doubt your abilities. what matters more is that you don't doubt your own abilities and what you really can do."

and after actually saying this to someone other than myself, ive found renewed belief in this. hell, i seriously think i can be a good doctor though my interviewers didn't think so. maybe this is my ego speaking. (hello ego!) but i really think i can be a good doctor. i havent been so confident elsewhere, or even been so confident before.. hm.

i am still considering the reluctant option of going overseas. it will be a selfish decision.

so i am still thinking.

to steffi: yes you are very right, rice you're not the only one but u're still the one! :P
to rice: refer to the above :D
to yixi: depressing period bleh :( oh dreams why are you so hard to catch. hahaha.

2008-06-03T11:54:00.001+08:00

im screwed.. in the end i decided to accept nus.. and i realised im gna be a super miserable engineering student. ahhh.... help me..

pls let the miracle i need fall on me :(

pig!

2008-06-02T13:23:00.002+08:00

my tagboard has got a bit more interesting of late :D

haha.

it's 2nd june! i havent decided whether to accept something.. or am i going to take the risk???? argh. :( i shall ask ard and see...

wkend was good! no more pms-ing. too detrimental. tsk.

and i realised im more interested in looking at guy clothes than girl clothes (of cos, i still wear girl clothes..) ahh. guy clothes are so much more simpler. bleh.

happening week coming right up! :)

less mood swings today

2008-05-30T17:56:00.003+08:00

i just submitted my appeal.. gosh it's scary. meanwhile i'm still deciding whether to accept sth in the meantime :(

gosh may i please please PLEASE have a successful appeal. PLEASEEEEEE :(

i went for my psc interview just now! went with a happy-go-lucky attitude, considering that i don't want the scholarship as badly compared to others. so i actually found it quite fun! hahaha. only 2 of the 12 interviewers asked me qns. haha. and it was super fun, super high, very adrenaline (epinephrine!) pumping to rebut their attempts to shoot me down. HOHO. and there was a guy outside the building cleaning the windows. and i was the only one who could see him. it was quite a funny sight in a way heh.

hmm.. what is soverign foreign wealth though?? that was the onli thing i din know...

alright and to the joke 1 of the day:
Rat asks Pig, "if you could have a conversation with one person, living or dead, who would you choose?"
Pg answers, "the living one".

joke 2 of the day: (after telling a certain woman joke 1)
woman (you know who you are! :P): har whats the joke???
me: read again and figure out yourself!!!
(15 mins later...)
woman: tell me the joke PLEASE!!!
me: (explains the joke)
woman: oh no, i would have answered it the same way as Pig!

so now we see why she didn't get the joke...

i'm yours, by mraz

2008-05-29T15:59:00.003+08:00

was trying to figure out how to play the song when i came across this nice video. he is seriously talented.. coming up with so many songs people actually remember. and they're meaningful too. and his live singing is just like in his album.

tho i have to say he looks kinda funny doing his 'tribal dance' while singing. maybe he cant dance..

imspiration needed!!!!

2008-05-28T11:41:00.003+08:00

may 30th is coming.. i still don't think my appeal makes enough of an impact.. it's like. hitting the wood all over the nail but hasnt hit the head. :(

i'm finally like, healthier after 2 weeks of battling with cough, fever, runny nose..

i'm getting weird :(

effective communication

2008-05-25T21:49:00.003+08:00

hmm.. 30may is coming. i'm so screwed for my interview ive been procrastinating about mugging for it. argh! and gss is here.. wkday is perfect for unemployed ppl like me to shop..

and yes 30 may is coming where i'll have my last (?) hope......

ohwell.

today was a depressing? and thought provoking day. sigh.. why cant things be kept simple like tv :(

ohwell. but i like it when we talk about what's on our minds :)

gahh.

2008-05-23T13:23:00.002+08:00

.. i need a miracle :(

___________________

ahwells. anw i went to the library ytd and witnessed an exciting incident of a youth chasing an uncle ard threatening to call the police. the uncle's crime: taking upskirt pictures of a lady. wth he shld totally be jailed. hm and that youth was brave.

helpless

2008-05-21T16:19:00.002+08:00

... sigh :(

don't really know how to write the appeal. 1000 char..

and seriously the chance is so so slim.

:(

in repair

2008-05-19T21:08:00.010+08:00

i got a horrible piece of news on my birthday. my worst birthday, my worst present.. it seriously sucks and i was like, depressed for 2 days. luckily, i feel better today :)

it's horrible because i've worked so hard for it (since PSLE!!!!!!) only to fall at the last step.. it also means dreams dashed. which sucks. i shall not watch medical dramas for some time now. (but i cant resist the allure of House..)

sigh.

but now, i'm just refusing to admit that it has been a good news in disguise. really. but just refusing to admit because i still have a small hope of making it. i'm gonna APPEAL. and yes, its good news because i got alot of love in return (some from people i didnt really expect!) and i'm so thankful for that :)

guess thats still a good birthday present :)

and i figured. it's never too late, never too difficult to achieve sth i want as long as i want it badly enough. there are many opportunities around. that i have the luxury to think about it after my undergrad studies.

that i shall see. for now, i'm gonna give it one last shot and i hope i have the chance to do that.

(oh my i sound optimistic!! haha)

:)))

2008-05-15T13:45:00.000+08:00

cheered up already :D

wait

2008-05-14T16:07:00.003+08:00

rice: booo you lucky girl :(

____________

oh, where art thou??

sigh. anw i discovered a new cartoonist whose comics i quite like, go read pearls before swine!

and i saw this funny videos:

house is coming on channel5 soon!

anw. my phone is quiet.....

argh!!! come home!!!!! :'(

be strong!

2008-05-12T14:19:00.004+08:00

sigh sometimes i want to change things, but i just don't have the ability to. and it sucks :(

for example, i really feel so sorry for the cyclone victims. not because no one is helping them, but because some higher authority has to be stubborn and unreasonable, and busy themselves with things like a referendum (which really, is inconsequential anyway) instead of saving the people dead, homeless, and dying from things like cholera and malaria. it disgusts me ugh.

and after a bad bad night last night, i've made it a personal resolution to control my emotions and argue with people (or at least express how freaking pissed i am) without breaking down in tears.

sigh. what a long, long week this is becoming.

________________

hm just saw this on the net:

Love is that condition in which
The happiness of another person
Is essential to your own.

- Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

no idea who's robert a. heinlein, but how true.

seems so long.

2008-05-11T15:19:00.002+08:00

ah wells. its another.. 3 days? :(

i think things get worse actually, when im out. like ytd i went to my sis' wedding gown fitting (the best time of a lady's life??? very very happy for her, and very envious :D) but the main thing was it was quite emo going out. so rotting on the sofa at home watching house/csi/random tv/hk dramas is better?

argh i dunno :(

and i cant wait for the temporary relief of the :( ness.

coming soon..

the interview

2008-05-07T18:56:00.005+08:00

i had my medicine interview today! its so surreal how the interview ended so fast.. and my future is probably sealed. gosh :(

anw, the interviewers were all v nice, except for one evil doctor in round 2 who was being bored and sleepy and unfriendly :( boooooooo. anw i think the round 2 interview is a waste of resources!!!! ohwells.

i await the good news (:

friday coming le :(

back to (:

2008-05-05T15:50:00.002+08:00

helloooo. it feels good not to go to work on a monday morning (:

i'm currently mugging for my interview. ahhh its on wed. 2 days! the last step! ahhhh! scary scary :(

otherwise, the wkend was very very good (: nice long chat where i got counselled (haha!), quality (and quantity this time) time.. then sleepover! :D which was so fun hehe. try charading 'harold and kumar escape to guatanamo bay' :P

ahh.
but there's 15 days to go.. :(

but i'm not emo no more!

that feel-good factor

2008-05-01T18:08:00.002+08:00

i meant to blog about this on tuesday but i didnt have the time to. and i dont feel that good today. sigh.

well firstly im feeling moody for no reason, im sick, the weather's horrible, and its a PH and im at home :(

then liverpool lost to chelsea. WHY DID HE TAKE TORRES OFF? why why why??? it was so heartbreaking to see gerrard, torres looking so helpless. but well.. i have to say the scene of lampard tributing his goal to his late mum was really touching.

sigh.

alright i shall talk about the feel good stuff then.

i went for my interview with the psychologist on tuesday. it made me feel good. she (the psychologist) told me what she observed about me that i didn't even know about. i learnt more about myself in those 3hours, and i was qt surprised that she seemed impressed that i'm "very mature for someone your (my) age" (i am???). she pointed out alot of stuff about myself e.g. i think alot. [but then again thinking so much might not be good (cue emo me)] and she was just this very nice person who made me feel comfortable speaking abt such stuff.

oh she asked me whats the biggest change i've had these 2 years.

i dont think anyone would know it, but it's being alot less introverted (tho i still noticeably am). i never really noticed this change. and now that i've realised it, i really want to thank all the friends who've shared stuff with me, encouraged me to speak up, and who've listened to me. you guys have brought about this positive change in me (:

at the end of the interview, i felt happy.

and to rice: another feel good thing was knowing that im not alone in this world. haha. theres still someone to lean on for support even in the face of this rather serious problem we're both facing. sigh.

and im finally unemployed! i seriously need this break. and i was damn happy on my last day. but actually at the end of the day when i said bye to everyone, i did have this tinge of sadness :( i really love my colleagues and i've been really lucky to have been with them, cos i hear bad stories abt their colleagues from my friends. our HR dept is small and close-knit, and i was quite glad that some of them were more than colleagues; they were like my friends :)

im quite sure i'll go back to visit them soon, and have my favourite curry chicken/prawn noodles at tiong bahru market during lunchtime with them (: and show them what i did with the book voucher they gave me :D

talking about feel-good stuff makes me happy, but im still moody SIGH :(

2 wks

2008-04-24T13:52:00.000+08:00

TOMORROW!!! :D:D:D:D

the big day's coming soon

2008-04-19T15:55:00.001+08:00

finally, the letter with the orange letterhead came.

i've never wanted sth so much before.

and i'm go all out.

ahhhh this is scary :(

:( -> :| -> :)?

2008-04-17T10:41:00.002+08:00

i forgot to bring my phone to work today :( so i am quite cut off from civilisation. first time i forgot to being my phone out! grr. and i missed the empty train this morning.

supposedly, its a bad day.

but surprisingly, it didnt reli affect my mood! haha. cos my sad and depressed soul was healed ytd, and the healing is enough to last me another.. 2 days? :D

and i got to speak to a very very friendly and nice doctor just now so she made my day!

and im eating rice crackers! just what ive been craving for..

yay :)

and i should ask my friends out soon. like really soon. i nid to buy farewell gifts for my colleagues!!! :O

bleh.

:(

2008-04-16T12:54:00.002+08:00

sigh.

:( and double :( :(

life's been boring. and sad. very sad in fact. sigh. but im sure im nt in the worst situation that can be (read remote island, phone without charger, physical activity, tekkaning, waking up at 5am, no contact with civilisation, horrible food blablabla. and CONFINEMENT). so i shld not complain :(

but i cant help feeling kinda depressed. bleh. and it feels like theres no one to talk to abt all these. sigh. so i drown my sorrows in watching hk dramas every night. soon it'll be reading every night, until one day i might just run out of things to do.

perhaps luckily, work has been slightly less aimless. i got to do sth more useful, less mundane, less brainless ytd (which continued to today). and i feel much more useful. (ahh, self worth) and working hard on sth, concentrating on sth just takes my mind off the very :( moments.

so i forsee that i'll become v depressed everyday once i stop work.. not like i want to continue working tho. i wish to do more meaningful stuff. maybe then that'll take my mind off things too.

argh, whatever.

it's a long 10 days to go.

liwei doesnt like working!

2008-04-13T22:39:00.004+08:00

im going back to work tmr :( sadsad.

and the precious 15 mins made me smile.

:))))

heh.

oh i completed a drama serial in like 3 days goes to show how free i am -.- and i could iron my working clothes for the rest of the wk (or 2) while watching! haha. anw another reason why i like watching drama serials (besides fung) is how happily-ever-after they could be :) i love happy endings!

argh.. work.....

that star

2008-04-12T15:02:00.006+08:00

wah i din noe my photo album on facebook would have so many comments -.- haha but they all made me smile, so thank you to all my friends! :)

mmhmm. april 11 passed just like that.. it was a depressing day :( but it was rather meaningful too. depressing cos the demon of tekong has kidnapped all the recruits for 2 weeks :( and cos i din even get to go into tekong cos i promised my mum to bring her to the doctor. so the goodbye was like, so short and sad :(

but then again, the trip to the doctor was the meaningful part! cos my mum told me alot of things. like how her dad (my granddad) lived his life as a china immigrant in the early singapore days (and how he is actually very righteous! haha). and she told me how she prayed for me to get into medicine. ohman sweet.. and i was so touched cos this support that shes giving me is so subtle tt i wldnt have known if she din tell me. and mums reli know best! cos she knows why i wna be a doctor when i havent told her before :)

ahh but life's been rather aimless. and i have to go back to work on monday.. oh 2 weeks, pls pass faster :(

nearing..

2008-04-07T14:23:00.001+08:00

it feels good not to go to work on a monday morning :D:D:D

hoho.

and its nice to go to the beach and not come back like a lobster :D

4 days left :(

im gna sleep soon!

2008-03-30T22:34:00.002+08:00

i am proud to say i woke up at 6am today and went for an enriching walk at the botanic gardens :D it was so early and i think my headache's caused by this waking up at an unearthly hour.

but it was a nice walk! really :) and actually, there are qt alot of things to see there. nice flowers, calm lake, birds (rather, pigeons -.-), many many dogs, and many many kids :D the angmoh kids are super cute especially! haha. took lotsa photos, and just listened to the sound of nature. its really nice. and when i see young parents bringing their kids there, im qt comforted to know that tho ppl are so busy nowadays (both parents working!) they still make an effort to make sunday a family day and bring their kids out :) i hope to do the same next time :)

and i just realised that im such a total singapore landform idiot. cos i have always thought for all my life, that the rockhill that can be seen from bkt gombak mrt is bkt timah hill!!!!!! when its actually little guilin. ohgosh so embarrassing -.-

speaking of embarrassing. my interview wasnt tt bad! hoho. the interview was v chitchat and relaxed. the food was good. the group work funny. but i totally screwed my self intro! for some reason (the rm was cold!) i was shaking while i was speaking (tho i swear i wasnt nervous!!!!!!) and like wth i tried to stop the shaking but i cldnt -.-

haha. so ive decided tt i shall go for more interviews so tt when the ones that really matter come along, i'll make it count. oosh!

contradictions.

2008-03-27T14:20:00.002+08:00

i know whats wrong.

yet i keep going back.

ive come up with a conclusion from a psychological point of view (my own) for my recent.. i dont event know how to put it in words. just recent.. complexities. in how i feel. so i know whats wrong. it sounds logical. yet i seem to be unable to pull myself away from it all.

sigh.

i bought a book on tuesday. time traveller's wife. i was largely mystified for the first 2 chapters but its pretty interesting actually.

and i watched spiderwick on tuesday too! i think its too disturbing for children actually. but its one of the few movies which entertained me from beginning to end :) pity it was kinda short..

and i have a caas assesment thingy on saturday. i am so ill-prepared. and it takes up like 6h and wth i nid to go back to stnicks for the fun fair! :( im expecting it to be filled with people who try too hard to be outstanding, cos theres a groupwork section. tts gaowei man. but they are often the ppl who get it so....

argh.

i wanna be a doctor so, so badly :(

:(

2008-03-24T13:20:00.000+08:00

ohno my phone is going mad and im feeling very sian today :(

and javier mascherano is freaking stupid.

:(

wheee!!

2008-03-17T15:15:00.000+08:00

omgomgomg!!! my 1week leave has been approved!!! (huge surprise!) and apparently im gna get higher pay once april comes!!! :D

im super happy now even my mundane job seems interesting :D

john mayer makes me happy too!

a ripe apple

2008-03-14T08:45:00.002+08:00

im in the office again! its been quite a week.. but its finally friday and im really glad :) and i get to meet my passed out friends from army today so yay! and i have to hand in all my applications soon sigh..

i watched juno ytd! it was good!! tho the english was abit hard to catch cos ellen page had a thick accent. otherwise she acted really well and jennifer garner is pretty. haha. its a meaningful show... :) which was sad and happy. juno asked her dad, if 2 ppl in love can ever be happy together forever.. hmmm. well things that u go thru in life definitely make you grow up.

like me! i think ive been a relatively stronger person lately.. cos to be able to help someone thru tough times you have to be strong. im learning, tho it hasnt been easy. but whatever it is, all tat i go thru is worth it. definitely.

and rice i miss you!

that was random. sigh april is coming and before we know it august will come (might nt make sense to my readers out there hehh). uni life, uni life...

through it all

2008-03-12T08:49:00.002+08:00

i havent blogged in ages!

so, hello!

im in my office now and its 8.53am (ohno i just slacked like 20 min away -.-)

hmm the highlights since my last post is basically the a level results! (and all that accompanied it..)

hm i was shaking in disbelief aft i received my results :) but of cos its good news! tho to me its only the first step.. ahhh :(

anw, the whole experience was made even better thanks to 3 things! my family (happier than i am), learning how to be there for someone and to be patient in all things (it was really a v valuable experience.. which might go a long way :) ), and of cos, my wonderful friends in particular the crazy elephant who was happier than me and was so happy for me :) i feel so blessed :))

yupp. so this chapter of my life is over.. time for a new chapter to be started.. and i hope it can only get better! not only for me bt for everyone :)

feb29th

2008-02-29T23:30:00.001+08:00

happy leap year!

well it was just a normal friday.. with a particularly busy day at work. ever almost died zapping documents?! blehhh. and i got loads of papercuts -.-

otherwise, time after work was of cos great! :D

and this wk's main highlights were having lunch with yixi and dinner hotdate with rice :D yayy i love my friends!

i love the weekends!!!! :)

weekends!!!

2008-02-23T14:33:00.004+08:00

i fell sick ytd! again. 2nd wk in a row. sigh. but im better now!

anw i went dramafeste ytd :)they were all not bad! and this time they had drama teachers to guide them.. lucky. i liked the apollo one! cos it was simple and nice. i teared watching it! hahaha :))

there were some good actors and actresses too! and i tink all the facs improved this yr. which is good! :D

thats abt all actually.. i hv to attend a wedding dinner today which is sian........ my bro suggested bringing psp.. thats nt v nice.. haha.

im hungry!

burning laptop!!!

2008-02-19T23:03:00.003+08:00

my laptop is emitting a VERY VERY weird smell. kinda like burning but not exactly. so im holding up a piece of paper in front of my face just in case anything happens. touch wood.

anw i went for my first tuition session today! as in teach chinese tuition to this p6 boy. he's very cute! haha. and it wasnt as bad as i thought.. i still rmb my chinese.. and gosh i made 80bucks just in 1.5hrs. wth!!! it makes my current job seem like exploitation.. or maybe im just overpaid.. but i feel kinda bad. after all, im only a O level cert holder so far :/ so i shall try my very very best to help this boy! and help him like chinese more :)

seriously, being a tutor is a much better job than an office job. maybe i shld take up more students.. teach math or sth.

its a very packed wk for me!!! ahhh. hotdate with rice on thu, dramafeste on fri, cousin's wedding on sat, family dinner on sun. which leaves no time for other stuff :((((( sadddddd. sigh. and i wanted to go scape for outdoor movie screening, or even the airshow!

gahh.

i tink that weird smell is kinda getting into my head. i feel like, whoozy.

wohhh. better off the mains :/
(which means i need a new laptop!!!)

ps: oh i tink i'll get a new phone with the money from temp tutoring job i earn :D N6500 slide here i come!!!

2008-02-15T18:43:00.000+08:00

now i know whats fighting for your own happiness.

m.c. day

2008-02-15T17:42:00.004+08:00

i hate it when people dont listen when i talk. or when others talk for that matter. and its worse when they ask why you're unhappy and they very apparently dont know whats wrong.

argh.

im on mc today! stupid throat and feverish feeling. and the stupid trip to the doctor cost my mum 36bucks. wth!!! i swear i would have braved the storm to go to school if i were still in school. sadly i dont feel as pia for work. haha. so i earn 48bucks less today, but i save on lunch and transport. but theres still net expenditure. haha.

ohwells gna bai nian tmr! :)

oh yea! i had a good vday :))) and im v proud to say my cheesecake making skill has improved vastly (by my own standards)! its a happy thing to see the look of satisfaction on other ppl's faces when they eat the things you cook/prepare. yay! and p.s. i love you is a meaningful show! but its sad/touching i kept crying and so were many other girls! :)

liwei is feeling down

2008-02-07T20:52:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year!

wasnt that happy for me actually. i think the way i spent the first day of cny was qt meaningless. i spent the whole day at my grandpa's house, where everyone in the whole family gathers every year. i dont know why, but my mum just woke everyone up super early in the morning and we eventually reached kinda early. like, the first family there. stone. worst thing is there was no tv wth. so i played psp with my brother and stoned and tried nt to fall asleep. eventually other families came and the house got very crowded and re nao.

but i just found it so meaningless when i like, never ever talk to half of my cousins (thats abt 10 of them) ever. and er to be perfectly human, there are some people i dont exactly like in the extended family. so i just spent time with the cousins im closer to. which was a nice thing! but we only see each other like once or twice a year so there was some awkwardness in the beginning la. which got better. but we had nth to do except eat, talk, play cards, stone.

then theres the angbao giving thing. somehow, this year, i dont really care about how much im getting. in previous years i would and could rmb what each aunt/uncle gave but this year i really dont know except for like, 3 of the angbaos. seriously, i wouldnt mind not getting any angbaos if i could have a more meaningful and memorable new year with my relatives.

i think im losing interest in money. :O thats really weird. or maybe nt so bad la, but since ive started work and started to earn my own money and struggle (okay mayb nt.. just exaggerating) to make ends meet (transport is freaking expensive), i realise having happy times is more important. i'd rather be happy than rich anytime. blah. and these few days havent been the best days of my life. i feel like a freaking loser, inflicting unhappiness on others no matter how hard i try nt to. argh.

maybe my cny will be better when i have my own kids, and my extended family wont be as large or sth.

and i tink thats all the visiting im doing this yr (and mrs ang's house on 16th), unless i go to friends' houses.

no special feeling towards cny this yr. in fact i preferred the reunion dinner.

what shld i wear tmr?!

2008-02-03T21:26:00.000+08:00

its sunday night! work again tmr :( (but its only a 2.5 day work week nxt wk :D)

this wkend has been very fufilling i think. had a good day out on saturday, and what was supposed to be an educational tour at an animal farm turned out to be a pigging tour at jalan kayu -.- haha but the tauhuay there is REALLY GOOD, and so was the roti prata :))

and i had some form of epiphany. which i think is very impt for these coming 2 months, so yay! :)

and i finally watched atonement! which was so tragic omg :( sharp contrast from the happy ending 27dresses which i watched! but it was an artsy film. which i think was kinda slow in the middle, but not bad overall :) and keira knightley is hot!

oh i rewrapped my dried (and once mouldy flowers i got on prom) and they look pretty decent! i must have a talent for flower wrapping... :D

and im nursing 2 painful and annoying pimples :(

pensive

2008-02-01T21:17:00.002+08:00

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

another wk

2008-02-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

its friday again! this week passed faster i think :) cos there were more happy moments and i dun feel so awkward ard my colleagues now.

lets see. nothing much happened this wk.. talked more with colleagues! which is a good thing. then found a fellow hk drama fan, a fellow spongebob fan, a shopping fan.. and alot of ppl were on leave this wk and i had to call ppl/ans phone calls. sth i really detest but i did it! and i kept walking btw the outram campus heart centre and my office, resulting in 2 beautiful blisters. :(

and i went out on 2 days aft work which is good! :) tho my colleague commented that its weird i nv go out on friday night (i.e. today) and that i looked very "dainty" today -.-

haha.

cny's coming! got my favourite reunion dinner.. got snacking period.. got angbao taking.. and got the a's results coming up :S that i had a scary feeling dream abt it (no, not bad results but rather the nervousness)

tired!

it's FRIDAY NIGHT

2008-01-25T21:59:00.000+08:00

the clock ticks.

5.00pm liwei is still stuck checking files!!
5.10pm AHHHH abit late liao must open mail!
5.25pm liwei finishes distributing the mail to whoever it is in the office (record speed)
5.28pm liwei has packed up.
5.30pm liwei says BYEBYE! and exits the cubicle kingdom...

haha so this was how my last day of work this wk ended. i totally punctually left at 5.30pm hehe. and i was feeling qt happy in the morning that the work week is finally finally gna end...

until i felt qt sad on my way to the mrt station cos i realised that even if i left early, i actually dont reli have anything to look forward to.. just another day, another journey in the sardine tube (mrt).. not like i was going out or going anywhere with anyone :(

which made me upset.. so i talked to rice (who was gna have an exciting after-work day! and who made me feel better and talked some sense into me haha).. then i entertained myself with winning eleven.. until i got thrashed 4-2 which made me feel even worse..

bleh. all that together with being really tired despite holding a sedentary job made me feel.. upset.. or maybe not so bad but the work week just didnt end off with a bang as i hoped to.

ohwells.

but the bright spark in the day was having lunch at Carousel, this buffet restaurant at royal plaza (opp far east). boss' treat! hoho. and i stuffed myself silly. then i tink i got sugar poisoning (the dessert was really pretty u noe i couldnt resist trying everything..) which felt like hw i feel when i drink coffee. and nt to mention the drowsiness, the additional kilos put on..

ohwell i tink i shall sleep early, and let tmr be a good day... it better be cos the 2 days of wkend are so precious when u have to work.

and i have to spend 1 day of my precious wkend, condemned at hm to spring clean! :O

why i dont want an office job

2008-01-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

i realised im leading everyday very aimlessly.

especially at work (which further affirms my desire not to work in an office). i find myself doing quite meaningless stuff, like filing. i date the employee files everyday! it sucks -.- as in theres no aim in what im doing now. everyday i go to work, listen to what they ask me to do, then i just do it almost robot like. im not contributing to any cause in any way! ahhh!!!! and my favourite task so far is actually sorting out the mail and stamping "received [date] HR dept" on them. hahaha.

i wonder how they actually stay in HR, cos everyday u get like 34554866 leave forms to process, 685679868 calls, 3563 resumes and 456896748574635 other random documents.

not sth i wna do in the future!

yes so im gna pray real hard when the day comes...

Z.z

2008-01-23T21:36:00.001+08:00

working is tiring :(

and everyday i find myself reaching hm at like 7pm, have dinner, then i find that i dont really having enough time for other things i wna do/need to do :(

and everyday i hear my colleagues complain in some way about work, and i am so grateful im just a temp staff and im going back to school in er 7months.

and wailumn asked me whether i wanted this sph job! photography! ohmy thats like damn fun :( but i cant goooooo. ahhh.

tmr's thursday. i cant wait for the weekends to come!!!

going on

2008-01-21T22:56:00.000+08:00

today was my first day at work!

ahh i miss school. i really miss school. I MISS SCHOOL! :(((

well temp clerk is qt a brainless job i wld say. but okay la still bearable on my first day. (so far) and i did get a desk, computer and nice colleagues. crazy colleagues in fact. but then again, i really dread the process of getting to know people. bleh. so i just listen to their conversations (rather entertaining!) ohno im gna die in uni la. sigh.

and i realised i dont quite want to work in an office!

which means.

after much consideration (aft my attachment at ncc), i still want to be a doctor. even if it means less time with family and friends. cos ultimately its still my passion and dream lah. i believe that circumstances can force people to do things they are usually nt capable of. so, i WILL make an effort (if i do become a doctor) to keep my life as it is now, and even with more things in it.

oh the consideration came cos the doctors i met while on attachment (nice people!!) kept telling me to think carefully if i really want it. then aft learning abt their life as a doctor, it does sound quite tough and in some cases it might be of rather irregular working hours that it does nt really allow u to have a life elsewhere (elsewhere as in spending with friends and family).

ah, and the golden question of "why do you want to be a doctor?" requires more thought.

hmm.

outram

2008-01-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

im starting work in 9 hours!!! :(((((

booooo. work = not free on weekdays = alot of things u cant do = perpetually tired = give up beauty sleep!

bleh.

but to keep a positive attitude, all i hope for is for the people (colleagues, they call it) to be nice, i have a desk and computer, and i earn decent money! and i get long cny holiday. haha.

goodnight! :)